tell me something i don’t know

These past few days have been a learning experience. Lately, i’ve been trying to believe that me and Forrest have a great life to look forward together. I’m just really confused because, it feels like he’s trying to find something wrong about our relationship. I love him. I’m not sure if i’m in love with him. I’ve given back the ring four or five times. I really thought that things were going to get bettter. That it would start being like it was when we first got together. Which, is all I really wanted. I’m starting to realize that you can go forward but, you might not be able to go backwards. I feel like i’ve come along way from where I was. I feel like I have the opportunity to go far with my life. Honestly, I am actually completely aware that I have a great bright future ahead of me. I’m really scared to loose this feeling. I know that part of this feeling is due to Forrest. However, I feel like I need to keep moving forward. I know I need the Lord in my life and i’m holding onto the realization that he is what gives me hope. I wish I knew what was going to happen with me and Forrest. I know that he can’t kick me out till October so I have time to save my money for me and apartment. I don’t know how I will since I never have any money save and we are broke all of the time. I am praying that things will look up. It’s become clear to me also that I need to live in the moment. They say if your looking backwards and forwards your shitting on today. I like how my life is now. I’m reading and focusing on going back to school. I’m focusing on reading the bible. I just finally for the first time in a long time just want to be alone. I guess sometimes I feel like Forrest is holding me back from what I could become. I don’t want to feel like anything is holding me back. I want to believe in the future of me! I care about him soo much and am completely grateful to him whether he knows it or not. I know that I don’t want anything to change but, this arguing has become ridiculous. All I know is that I am scared to go backwards so I am going to keep going pushing forward. I know now that I deserve something more. Also, that if I try hard enough I can achieve it.